Twilight Questions
by KoopoBrianJebus
Summary: I/You ask the questions and they answer! But the answering takes a while, they like to talk.


**Questions I've ALWAYS wondered about Twilight and what would happen if... All that sort of stuff. Review! Also it might start as a one shot but turn into more one shots, when i get more questions.**

**Do Vampires get periods?  
**Alice - I don't.  
Bella - I don't.  
Esme - I don't.  
Rosalie - I do.  
Alice - What the fuck Rose? Vampire's don't have blood!  
Bella - OMG! Rose has a power! She gets periods! Woo! Go Rose!  
Rosalie - YES! I HAVE A POWER... But it hurts SO much.  
Esme - WTF?

**Can a fat person become a Vampire?  
**Alice - No.  
Bella - I don't know.  
Esme - I'm not sure, ask Carlisle.  
Rosalie - HELL NO! Actually, maybee....  
Carlisle - Fat people can become vampires but the change hurts more because the venom has to eat up all of the fat.  
Edward - No Offense anyone fat.  
Emmett - Wait... was I fat?  
Jasper - I DONT KNOW! ASK ROSE!

**Was Emmett fat before he changed?  
**Jasper - Great, now you've gotten her asking us.  
Rosalie - He wasn't.  
Esme - He was just a retard.  
Bella - o_O Esme... Emmett's your son.  
Alice - He was just a retard with muscles.  
Edward - Let's not forget a moron who wanted to FIGHT an angry bear while being human.  
Carlisle - Basically, Emmett was a dipshit who was muscley and dumb.  
Emmett - HEY! Hehe... Patrick star is my twin... Urghhh.  
Carlisle - SEE! I TOLD YOU!

**Do Vampire's have to wash their hair? Or even brush it?  
**Rosalie - I do but i'm wierd.  
Bella - I do.  
Alice - I DO! MWA HA HA HA!  
Carlisle - Vampire's can if they want to but don't have to.  
Alice & Bella & Rosalie - WHAT!?!?!?!?!?  
Jasper & Edward & Emmett - Awesome.  
Esme - Huh? Sorry i was keeping Jacob away from Renesmee.

**Why is Alice obsessed with shopping? She says it's a 'hobby' but are you sure that's it's not a mental position she is in from her dark past?  
**Alice - What?  
Jasper - I never thought of it that way.  
Edward - Wow, Alice has a mental problem.  
Alice - I DO NOT!  
Carlisle - Hmm... Alice you are seeing a therapist this Monday.  
Alice - But- But-  
Esme - No but's. Otherwise NO CREDIT CARDS!  
Bella - Wow, never knew that Alice had a proper mental issue. I just thought it was hobby.  
Rosalie - NO ALICE! DONT TAKE MY CREDIT CARDS!  
Emmett - Don't worry Rose, Carlisle's frozen them ages ago. But make sure she doesn't take the one hidden in your bra, it holds all of our money.  
Rosalie - EMMETT YOU MORON!  
Renesmee - What's this?  
Bella - Renesmee, you better get off now.

**At the end of Breaking Dawn, there could have been a fight but wasn't. Tell me why? All of my family wonders.  
**Bella - We wanted a happy ending, not one with guts and blood.... Sweet blood.... Blood.  
Edward - EVERYONE IT'S CODE RED! GO GO GO!  
Emmett & Jasper - Okay! Restraining her complete!  
Rosalie & Esme - Renesmee's safe, she's at Jacobs.  
Edward - NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Alice - What's happened Edward?  
Edward - Renesmee's round Jacobs! It's a nightmare!

**What would have happened if Bella chose Jacob?  
**Bella - I am NOT answering this.  
Edward - Please?*Dazzling*  
Bella - Okay...  
Alice - Bella, what would you and Jacob have done?  
Bella - We would have done what you and Jasper do every night.  
Alice - OMG! YOU WOULD OF BOUGHT CLOTHES TO REPLACE YOUR SISTER-IN-LAWS UGLY CLOSET?  
Bella - No... What?  
Alice - Never mind.  
Bella - Okay... o_O. Anyway, we would have done what Emmett and Rosalie do every ten seconds.  
Rosalie - PUT MAKE-UP ON EMMETT AND PRETEND YOUR SHAGGING A GIRL?  
Bella - What...  
Jasper - The...  
Edward - Fuck?  
Jasper - SHIT! My twins a fucking lesbian!  
Rosalie - I AM NOT!  
Alice - Fine your not... Bisexual = Rosalie. :P  
Rosalie - Screw you.

**Why does Bella have awesome dress sense? I mean converses = cool. Jeans = AMAZING!  
**Alice - What. Did. You. Just. Say?  
Bella - THANKS! I do it all myself, unless Alice finds me and redresses me.  
Rosalie - Whoa, Converses and Jeans are in? I am so BUYING them. Come on Bella! Let's go to the mall before Alice comes after us!  
Bella - Okay! Buy! Buy! **(See what i did there?)**  
Alice - :'( *Crying* I'm going after them.  
Jasper - Aww, Ali? Are you okay?  
Alice - NO JASPER! I AM NOT FUCKING OK! BELLA HAS 'BETTER' DRESS SENSE THAN ME! THE WORLD WILL END!  
Jasper - No it won't.  
Edward - It might. Alice run after them! Before you kill us all! Also, don't kill Bella.  
Alice - FINE! :P

**Is Alice always so... Happy and Bubbly?  
**Jasper - Sometimes, only when Stephenie Meyers comes round our house to write about us.  
Edward - All the other times she's...  
Emmett - Emo.  
Edward - Grumpy.  
Jasper - Horny as hell.  
Edward - Annoying.  
Emmett - Shopping addict.  
Jasper - Pushy.  
Emmett - Pully.  
Edward - Singing really gay things in her head.  
Emmett - Basically, she's not like Happy and Bubbly most the time.  
Carlisle - Hell yeah! Also she's quite closed.

**What would happen if a vampire ate over one hundred bears for their hunt?  
**Carlisle - Nothing.  
Rosalie - FATTY BON BATTY!  
Bella - I dunno, I don't do it.  
Edward - I have NO idea... EMMETT DONT DO IT!  
Emmett - Oh...  
Edward - NO EMMETT!  
Emmett - Can I at least ask her?  
Edward - Sure... Knock yourself out.  
Emmett - But I can't.  
Edward - Dumbass.  
Emmett - Anyway, Rose can I try it?  
Rosalie - What?  
Alice - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Emmett - ?  
Carlisle - ?  
Rosalie - ?  
Jasper - ?  
Bella - ?  
Esme - ?  
Renesmee - ?  
Jacob - ?  
Quil - ?  
Embry - ?  
Sam - ?  
Leah - ?  
Seth - ?  
Emily - ?  
Angela - ?  
Mike - ?  
Jessica - ?  
Lauren - ?  
Eric - ?  
Charlie - ?  
Renee - ?  
Phil - ?  
Edward - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey when did all these people get here?  
Alice - I dunno! But Emmett, do it!  
Edward - JUST DO IT!

**Do all of the humans in Twilight know that your are vampires?  
**Edward - Yes.  
Bella - They do because everyone in Twilight are vampires, they just get tons of make-up put on them.  
Alice - Maybe plastic surgery.  
Rosalie - They even let Emmett hit them.  
Jasper - And they let Rose use her 'power'.  
Rosalie - : I hate you.  
Jasper - WOO!

**If you could choose between Paramore - Decode and Muse - Supermassive Black Hole. What would you choose?  
**Jasper - Muse.  
Alice - Paramore!  
Jasper - NO MUSE!  
Bella - Paramore.  
Edward - Same as Bella, Paramore.  
Emmett - Muse cos me and Rosalie have to...  
Edward - STOP RIGHT THERE!  
Rosalie - It's hard rock and we shag in time with it.  
Edward - AHHHHHHHH! STOP IMAGINING IT!  
Emmett - We're not imagining.  
Jasper - EWWW! STOP SHAGGING THEN IT'S MAKING ME WANT TO...  
Alice - JASPER! NOT NOW!  
Bella - Edward?  
Edward - Yes?  
Bella - Can we?  
Edward - Don't see why not, Renesmee's at school.

**Girls, if you had to pick between Mike Newton and Eric Yorkie. Who would you shag?  
**Bella - Edward.  
Rosalie - Emmett.  
Alice - Jasper.  
**HEY! I said out of Mike and Eric!  
**Bella - Okay, we get it.  
Rosalie - E.... Emmett.  
Alice - M.... Jasper.  
Bella - E.... Edward.  
**STOP IT! ANSWER MY GOD DAMNED QUESTION!  
**Alice - FINE! God damn it!  
Rosalie - Mike, he would be excited and make it faster.  
Bella - Eww! Ummm.... Can I tell you later?  
**NO!  
**Bella - ...  
Alice - Eric. I'm like half his size so I would just give him a BJ and be done with it.  
Bella - EWWW!  
Rosalie - Wait? We can do that?  
**Yes.  
**Rosalie - Screw it.  
**Bella?  
**Bella - I DONT KNOW! *Crying*  
Alice - HAHAHAHAHAHA! BELLA! YOU FELL FOR IT!  
Rosalie - Alice, you was meant to say that after she answered. Not before.  
Alice - But I dont like seeing her cry. She's my BFF!  
Bella - Thanks Alice! Your my BFF!

**Boys, choose between Angela or Jessica. Which one would you have sex with?  
**Jasper - Angela.  
Emmett - Angela.  
Edward - Angela.  
**How did you?  
**Edward - Mind reader.  
Jasper - We also played this game before.  
Emmett - Same people. Same game.  
**Oh... I feel stupid.**

**Why are Vampires pale?  
**Emmett - Because we don't like to get Tans.  
Jasper - We don't like hot places.  
Alice - We prefer cold places.  
Edward - With TONS of Mountain Lion.  
Emmett - And Grizzlies.  
Rosalie - And Elk.  
Alice - And... Deer.  
Bella - AND PENGUINS!  
Everyone - What?  
Bella - Penguins.

**If Alice and Jasper get divorce, what do you think will happen?**  
Alice - WHAT?!?!?!?  
Edward - Nothing.  
Emmett - Alice would get pissed as she would be able to see it happening.  
Rosalie - Imagine that... Dibbs MARRIAGE COUNSELOR!  
Bella - ASSISTANT MARRIAGE COUNSELOR!  
Emmett - CLOWN!  
Edward - PSHYCIATRIST! **(Sorry if I spelt it wrong.)  
**Carlisle - PAPPA/DADDY!  
Esme - MUMMY/MAMA!  
Jacob - ALICE'S FUTURE BLOCKER!  
All - They would go to Cullen Counselling. **(BTW, might make something like that.)**

**How wouldyou react if I told you lot that your are fictional?  
**Everyone - WHAT?!?!?!?!?  
Edward - I'm... I'm fictional? But everyone loves me and thinks I'm fit!  
**They still do.  
**Edward - Okay, i'm sorted. As long as I'm loved and fit.  
Emmett - WOO! I'M FICTIONAL!  
**Okay...  
**Rosalie - What she said. Also, why? WHY? I'M SO SEXY!  
Alice - Wait, so I'm not a pixie-vampire?  
Jasper - So I'm not from the civil war?  
Carlisle - I'm not a trained doctor?  
Esme - I'm not a trained vampire mommy?  
Bella - Wait, so i spent three books to become a vampire and NOW YOU TELL ME THAT I'M FICTIONAL? URRGGGHHHH!  
**But you are all real, in real life. People just play you.**

**Which actor do you think would play you?  
**Edward - Rob Pattison, what do you think Bella?  
Bella - He's fitter than christmas! I say Kristen Stewart for me.  
Alice - Yeah, she's like your twin.  
Bella - That's because she is. Anyway, how bout you lot?  
Alice - I have a friend who looks EXACTLY like me and is REALLY good at acting.  
Bella - Who's that?  
Alice - You know, the girl that has long hair. With kinda blue-grey eyes. She wears the brown contacts.  
Rosalie - That Ashley girl... What was her last name?  
Bella - Oh I know her. It's... umm... Greene!  
Alice - I want Ashley Greene.  
Rosalie - Ohhh, she would be awesome with Nicki Reed, my girl, and maybe Kristen would become friends with her.  
Alice - Yer. Also have you heard, Kristen and Rob have been caught a lot lately seeing eachother.  
Rosalie - Like a date kinda thing?  
Alice - Yeah.  
Bella - Oh, I wish I was her.  
Rosalie & Alice - Yeah.  
Jasper, Emmett & Edward - HEY! WHAT BOUT US?  
Rosalie - Oh yeah, who do you lot want.  
Carlisle - I want... that Peter Facinelli bloke. How about you darling?  
Esme - That woman that was on Scrubs as Molly.... Elizabeth Reaser!  
Jasper - Jackson Rathbone.  
**Yeah, he's fit.  
**Emmett - Kellan Lutz.  
Jacob - Taylor Launter!  
Edward - NO BAD DOG! DON'T MAKE ME GET THE SPRAY!  
Jacob - :(  
Rosalie - Anyway Jacob, he's TOO fit to play you.

**Who's fitter Jackson Rathbone (FITT!), Kellan Lutz (Not as much.) or Peter Facinelli? (Hot! Not as good as fit.)  
**Emmett - Kellan! AND, HE IS SO FIT! JACKSON ISNT!  
**Yes he is.  
**Emmett - NO HE AINT!  
**Don't make me chase you.  
**Emmett - *Whimper*  
Rosalie - Kellan, he looks like Emmett.  
Bella - Peter! HE IS FITT!  
Carlisle - Thank you Bella.  
Edward - Jackson, I don't want to think that my dad's fit.  
Jasper - So you say your brother is? Okay... o_O. Jackson.  
Esme - Peter.  
Alice - JACKSON!  
Carlisle - Peter!  
**Okay so... 2-Kellan, 3-Peter, 4-Jackson.  
**All - WTH?  
**I choose Jackson, he's won. Anyone thinks different review and tell me who! (Only out of Kellan, Peter and Jackson. No Rob or Taylor ect.)**

**Why were you born?  
**Emmett - To have SEX with my SEXAAYYY wife!  
Edward - To meet Bella, love her, marry her, kiss her, sh-  
Emmett - Edward just stop. It's too... unusual! Stop!  
Edward - Okay... o_O  
Bella - To meet Edward and become what he is.  
Esme - To love Carlisle and have Vampire kids.  
Carlisle - To save the world with out endangering them... Kinda ironic.  
Rosalie - Yeah sure. Mine's to be the prettiest in the world.  
Alice - To see the future... JASPER HOW DARE YOU! AHHHHHHH!  
Jasper - Mine's to control people's emotions and... CONTROL THE WORLD! MWA HA HA HA!  
Carlisle - EMMETT! STOP MAKING HIM FEEL EVIL!  
Emmett - It ain't me.

* * *

**How you like? This was 20 questions I think. Well, I might carry on till a random number.  
The whole one-shot thing with the Cullen Counselling thing. Yeah I'm gonna do it, maybe make it more than a one-shot. If it becomes a story it will be short! I PROMISE! Anyway, don't take my idea! Or... MWA HA HA HA!  
Review, I need questions.**


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